WTF.

You'll have to take my word that this is actually Jesus and Mary as if it weren't for the apparatus, which despite hitting the heights last time round have disappeared this time round as this picture was taken whilst deep undercover, it would be far from easy to describe these two as human let alone as the son of God and his mum. The previous images have at least had the decency to make Mary look human and not like a giant anthropomorphic ping pong ball crossed with Dr. Manhattan (although without the flaccid  translucent penis which so damaged my enjoyment of that film) while Jesus, albeit ugly fat and generally degenerate, was an ickle child not a phrenological wet dream. Although, I'd still prefer to look like this than the Michael Gove lookalike Jesus.

I appreciate that the middle ages were bleak and that we lost some key skills somehow but if any child did this while addled on e-numbers at school I'd imagine he get referred to a child psychologist faster than you can say Baby P rather than have it put in a museum for posterity. It is so mental that it is really hard to add anything of value. Just look at Mary. Really look at her. She hasn't got any ears. Or hair. She has multiple metal nipples and solid white eye balls.  In fact she looks like an extra from Dalek porn. All very odd. I'd imagine Joseph must have been thanking his lucky stars that Jesus was immaculately conceived in the face of this all encompassing horror.

What on earth was the artist thinking, one would hope his aristocratic patron gave him a damn fine thrashing on receiving this piece of art.  Frankly, if this was designed to curry favour with our Lord God, you'd be utterly fucked. Why not just smear a canvas with faeces had it over to God and prepare for a long stint in the seventh circle of hell along with Noel Edmonds and Monty Don.  In fact you might even win the faarckin' turner prize, you farckin' conceptual cant. Sorry, I accidentally morphed into the Daily Telegraph for a moment.

Strangely, I find Jesus endearing. Doing his best to focus on his little book and ignoring the fact that his mother is a monster and getting on with his lot in life. Little does he know that he'll end up starring in a Mel Gibson movie, flayed and then crucified. At least it gets worse before it gets better. And as for the slightly odd metal crown. I have no idea. The mind boggles. It really does.

I was told that by choosing such a narrow topic for my blog I'd soon run out of subject matter but as I furrow a lonely path through these myriad ecclesiastical horrors I look to the future with ever more confidence knowing that where there is faith there is mind numbing, bowel fillingly awful artists paedoing up Jesus. This is just the start. Oh yes.