Jesus as a flouncing girl

Artist - Jacob Jordaens

Title - The Holy Family and Saint John the Baptist

The Christ Child stands in front of the Virgin holding rosary beads, while Saint Joseph looks on from behind, and the infant Baptist on the left holds a cross. Probably painted between 1620 and 1625, perhaps under the influence of Caravaggio's "Madonna of the Rosary" (Vienna, Kunsthistorisches Museum) which was at that time was in the Dominican church in Antwerp.

Check my apparatus out. You'd be lying to me if you said you aren't just a little aroused. I am. 

It is also worth mentioning that this delight can be seen in person at the National Gallery, in London for those poor lost souls from foreign shores who have stumbled across this site, for those who want to paedo baby Jesus up close and personal. 

This is the first of all the images in which Jesus can't be described as a Tory MP looking more like a youthful Dutch sprout instead. Perhaps the most interesting part of this painting is the young chap in the back ground who appears to be fixating on little Jesus' bum, the sick little bugger thinking of how to make best use of his young friend. Hot crumpet anyone?

And why is Jesus wearing what looks like an alice band? As with all the other little Jesus' we've studied thus far, Jesus is always conceived of as a giant bloater and this chap is no exception with the a delightfully fully formed front bottom (which must have all those Catholic types frothing in excitement) which I always thought was a product of Broken Britain not ye olden times.  Combine his front bottom with arms of sausage and a tummy of chuddiness, it is hard to avoid the conclusion that Jesus was a fat little bugger. 

Mary, at least, has been made to look human which is nice change of tempo compared to her haggard appearance in the other pictures. However, she does look a little bit lost and a bit like she is on smack. But that is  hardly surprising given that if an angel had visited me and to tell me he'd God was going slide a baby into my body via my ear I'd probably get on heroin, and if not heroin definitely I'd get the gin out. 

As for the hirsute chap in the background, stroking his beard he is probably wondering how they are going to manage the food bills when that fat bastard gets off the tit and needs solids instead as well as scoring the drugs for Mary. Poor sod.