The Vision of Father Simon by Francisco Ribalta 1612.
Well firstly, can I say I win. I win. Blogging about the vision of Father Simon when you're called Simon and have just become a father is so delightful I could ooze like a jolly Rear Admiral. I admit that the above Jesus is not a baby (in fact he is in a bit of tight spot, if my knowledge of the Bible is up to much) but I thought I'd freshen this blog up by widening my critical eye to all images of our saviour, not just those depicting him in his infancy.
There are so many things to highlight in this cracking picture. Firstly, Father Simon was renowned for his vision (hence the picture) and his piety. I can't question his piety on the basis of one picture as that would be petty and that is not what this blog is all about. But his vision certainly looks a bit odd to the untrained eye.
Jesus looks a little pale for my liking, and yes he has taken a bit of a beating I grant you, he is just downright odd. The fact that his index toe and middle toe are the same length and both considerably longer than his big toe makes me a sick in my mouth a little bit and the odd robe makes him like anatomically wholly unlikely. It makes me wonder whether under the robe are two disciples on each others shoulders sticking our fake arms and legs to save little Jesus as it seems so bizarre.
The whole picture is odd. Who is the apparition on the right hand side? To the uninitiated he looks a little like Blackadder, albeit it with a freakishly long right arm that seems to be assisting Jesus by carrying part of the Cross. This is the sort of kick ass miracle that would make me far keener on Christianity; if faith in God gave me a chance, no matter how infinitesimally small, to become like Stretch Armstrong I'd be in like Flynn. Feeding of the five thousand. Pants. Odd Blackadder chap with 5 foot arms. Brilliant. [A cross which is a bit pants in all honesty. How do you expect to crucify someone on that? Far too short.] However, after some long, deep thought it occurs to me that the odd chap in the corner is in fact Paul Bearer. Obviously, for most readers this will immediately conjure up images on early nineties wrestling but for those sad souls who missed out on what the Rock was cooking or Mr. Perfect defying gravity, I've included a picture below. Cannily, the likeness is uncanny. Who'd have thunk it? WWF in the Bible story. Vince McMahon you've got my number.
But there is more. Oh yes. We've not touched on the crowds to our left. Why is one man swallowing a sword? Seems a bit unnecessary to me. Jesus you're buggered and about to die but don't worry watch me swallow this sword. That will take the edge off. Brilliant. SPQR indeed. And in the back right there appears to be a man giving the whole thing the thumbs up. What does this mean? Who is he or she? And why does he/she appear to be dressed up like a member of member of the riot squad with a white visor on. Maybe if they'd kettled our poor messiah they might have saved him from the indignity of being crucified.
